i was out late (for me) last night. the ohio has a cribbage thing on sundays, so i decided to go down since i had gotten a nap in, and the dogs were well-walked.
i think i got home around 11, maybe got into bed at midnight, and woke up with a start at 7 after not-very-sound-sleep. after getting merle to the vet, i took jones on a longer walk than would have been successful with both of them. when we got home, i was just too on edge. everything i thought was anxiety-filled or made me feel helpless or sad.
i tried to eat a chicken burrito bowl (it seems like it would be good) that i got at costco, but my mouth didn’t want to cooperate. i tried playing fallout (which is my go-to stress reducer) but i couldn’t focus. so, i checked in at work. just for an hour. i felt better almost immediately after getting some tasks from a project manager on a site that was supposed to launch today (but didn’t). not that i’m going to change plans, but i think taking the whole week off might have been a little zealous, considering that i need human interaction in specific intervals in order to balance out all the alone time i’ve been given.
matt ended up being able to come over and we talked a bit. well, i listened mostly and he talked. i prefer it that way; i’m a good listener.
we ordered crostini and hung out for a couple hours. it was nice. i’m thankful that we’re able to keep on at least this way. if i had to stop all communication, i don’t even want to think about how i would be.
but, right now, i’m exhausted and hollow. worry is heavy and tiring.