it’s been a long week

during one of the first sleepless nights, way back in december, i was on facebook trying to distract my brain and i saw an ad for a wall tapestry mandala thingy. so i ordered four. this one made it up on the wall this week; it reminds me of a peacock.

merley wasn’t feeling well yesterday, so i worked from home. i couldn’t get her to calm down unless i stuck her in the carrier. i had to set her down in order to use the bathroom:

i don’t think things are getting better… they’re just different. we still exchange texts, but it’s not the same. the feeling is gone. i think we both have become purposefully emotionally removed in order to get through to whatever the next phase is.

i just started bawling at my desk, so clearly, things are not good.

however, i did meet up with an old friend last night from a million years ago when mickey’s was different. like, before-they-served-food different. he’s a special education (or IEP) teacher with the madison school district and i have always been fascinated by his stories of the kids with which he has to deal. he gets the really … challenging ones. the ones that bite and kick and spit, and he can somehow calm them down in 20 minutes. so i listened in awe and was able to not think about my brain for a little while. i had initially intended on sharing with him the details of my predicament but decided that i’m tired of hearing myself tell the story and didn’t want the evening to be about me being sad.

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