i restarted yoga this morning. i also decided not to do the journaling part. i suppose i could start it separately later today. i remembered the pose she starts with and i think i did it better this time around. i guess that means i’m getting stronger. i hope that translates into a stronger mind and heart.
anyhoo, today is the first of nine days of bekee and i’m heading out to costco, old navy, menards, mounds, and woodman’s. i’m kinda glad it’s crappy out cuz i feel less bad about spending the day driving around.
oh! here’s my new toy:
i’m excited to get it all nerded up so i can develop on it.
before each yoga video, the author writes up some thoughts on how to shift your perspective and good eating habits and suggests a writing exercise in a transformation journal. i’ve been skipping the writing exercise cuz i don’t have time in the morning to do it.
anyway, in this morning’s lesson, she reminded me that we’re almost done and i got a little sad! but, i think i’ve decided that i’ll just start over and keep doing that each morning, on repeat, forever.
maybe when i start round two i’ll also start the journal. i think i have a blank book somewhere in the house.
gno kicked my o-l-d butt. i couldn’t get a nap in before going out, so i was on ike’s already. but it was super to see all my old raver friends, and to dance for a while.
aunt flo had paid her visit late friday night so by the time i woke up on saturday (after another 5-hour sleep) i was running at about 30% effectiveness.
instead of walking the dogs and laying back down, i went to mickey’s for cribbage brunch and a surprise friend showed up so i stayed longer than intended. i got home around 1230 and laid down and missed a costco run with mom :( she said she had one of the last carts available so it sounded like a blessing in disguise for me that i missed it, but i still feel badly.
i got up around 4 and did my journal spread for next week, read my new cooks illustrated, and played fallout for the evening.
i skipped yoga yesterday for the first time in two weeks, but convinced myself to do it this morning.
today’s lesson is “make each moment count.” and the quote that stood out to me is this one:
The very centered and present Buddha taught us that all suffering is caused by wanting to be closer to or farther away from where you are right now.
matt would always tell me never wish time away when i would say “i can’t wait for the weekend.” i guess that’s about the same.
being in the present is hard for my brain which is very focused on time and numbers and little milestones that need to happen each day.
but, i’m trying.
each of my daily yoga lessons contains a new idea for transformation. this morning’s lesson focused on exercising the ability to say no when necessary. there were two passages that stood out to me.
this one, as it relates to my having to say no to my friend:
Saying no mindfully and compassionately is another huge leap towards a happier life for you, and leading the people you love by positive example.
and this one, as it relates to my relationship with matt:
When an energy exchange is not a win-win for both parties, you can be sure that, over time, you will both lose. No one who truly loves you will ask more of you than you can give, and giving more than you have usually means someone in the equation is not doing their own work. Enabling someone usually does nothing more than keep them from their own path, and the growth that comes from living into the lessons that only they can learn.
unfortunately, i don’t think we did a good job at a reasonable and equal exchange of energy, at least in the last couple of years. it’s sad because i think we could have made it work if we were both more open to our needs. having a conversation once or twice about what isn’t working is not how one affects change. i don’t think it’s unreasonable to check in daily or weekly about what’s going well and what could be improved. (some) people do this at their workplaces, and those relationships aren’t nearly as sacred or important.
at least i know this and can take it forward.
also, interestingly, chani’s post today that mars conjuncts saturn at 8° of capricorn reminds me:
We can’t care about everything, even if we wanted to be able to. We have to make choices. We have to be discerning. We have to direct our energy towards some things and away from others if we are to get anything done.
it’s a good thing i’m skilled at being selfish.