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uncomfortably numb

my brain usually has a song stuck in it that i sing on my way to work; it helps me pedal faster. i then write the song down in my bullet journal each day. i just noticed that, in the last 25 days, i’ve only had three days with a song. if that’s not an indication of stress…

my ear is still plugged up, and i posted to facebook about my anticipation of when it finally clears and the joy with which i’ll be overcome. the post elicited many opinions about how to clear the wax from my ear and lots of opinions about how *not* to clear the wax from my ear.

i later spoke to my audiologist friend who, without being able to look inside, diagnosed it as fluid in the inner ear, since it sort of clears up when i bend forward at the waist and gets worse when i tilt my head back. it reminds me of those silly wave machines from the 80s (omg they’re expensive) that you’d put on top of your entertainment system.

in other news, matt packed some last night. i was a little disappointed that it wasn’t more but then i realized that it was the easy stuff. the stuff that didn’t need discussion*. except, i kinda wanted to keep all of the firefly figures since i paid for them, but they’re his. because i’m not a keeper of things like that. and when we get the next box, which had better be mal, he’ll get that one, too.

*i can look at most everything and tell if it’s his or mine. i realize now that i never really let him move in. claim space. make something there his own so he would be more at home. i don’t know if that was because of the circumstances when he moved in and that i hadn’t yet been able to claim space, and that just carried over time? or that i didn’t want all of his things to take up so much room? or i don’t know what. i guess i’ll find out how i feel when the house is all mine and looks empty because his presence (and everything that comes along with that) isn’t there.

it’s a strange feeling to simultaneously dread and look forward to that day.