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need to make time

i mentioned recently that things are only taking a little bit longer to get everything done in a day, but i’m also not feeling like i’m getting much time to relax or blow off an entire afternoon playing fallout.

i got up sunday morning, discombobulated by the time change, and all of a sudden it was 11 am and i hadn’t eaten breakfast yet. i didn’t want to go to mickey’s because it was super busy on saturday, so i figured it would be the same. plus, i had to get to judy’s for crafty at 1. i spent about three hours there, and took my leave a little after 4… my goal was to make lunches and then maybe hop over to wilson’s to make myself seen and then back home for dinner, but i didn’t finish up the chickpea and lentil taco salads until around 6 and decided to stay home cuz i usually start dinner around 6:30.

i sat on the couch and then ccapped kurt to make sure that i remembered his birth date correctly; so i texted him a belated happy birthday; he turned 50 on the 10th. somehow jones’ age came up, too, and he asked if he could come over to see jones. so i said sure. jones growled and wagged mostly the whole time. kurt said he would always do the same to nar. we talked for a little bit and he’s doing pretty well. it was weird to have him in the house after so long.

i didn’t get to starting dinner until about 7:45 and went to bed earlier than i’d have liked, considering the time change.

monday morning i woke to severe cramps, cold sweats, and dizziness. the last few months of aunt flo haven’t been so bad, but i think this was exacerbated by the fact that i have too much on my plate at work and couldn’t really take the day off. so, i worked from home, hunched over on the couch because i can’t lower my desk in the office because there’s still a record-holder shelf in there so i can’t really move shit around. it doesn’t bother me until it does.

last night, i broke down sobbing in the kitchen. i was feeling pretty low and lonely and sad. i realize that matt is changing the way he communicates and i don’t have him around to help me feel better when i’m not feeling 100% or even 80%.

i realized, when i woke up in the middle of the night, that i often referred to him as my best friend… but i don’t recall him saying the same. at least not in the recent past. that made me sad. and then somehow i got myself to go back to sleep.