i just want to get this out in the open as i think it will help me to keep to my goal. i’m cutting down on smoking. cutting it in half, to be exact. with the goal of quitting on new years’ day, but we’ll see how that goes.
i started smoking when i was 15/16 with the older kids at school. my friend at the time smoked marlboro reds and she gave me rides to school. i remember her saying, “if you’re gunna ride with me, you have to smoke.” ok. so i did.
the ladies at kwik trip in oregon never asked me for an id. i’m sure i didn’t look 18 at all. this was before the whole “we ID” campaign started. mom smelled it immediately and said, “don’t smoke around me and don’t smoke in the house.” so i spent a lot of time in the garage with the back door open staring at the slowly falling snow. it was kinda nice. i liked smoking. now i’m bored with it. it’s a frustrating habit. it’s expensive. it’s unattractive. it’s weird, really, if you think about it. i think i’m putting it in the same light as i did eggs a while ago. eating an egg is weird. it’s another animals ova; and you’re eating it. wtf? so, for a while, i would only eat eggs if they were scrambled (side note here, for new readers: i’m a pescatarian. i don’t eat poultry, pork, or red meat, but i do love me some sushi). so, starting this last saturday, i decided to count and ration my cigarettes. on average, i smoke a pack a day; every morning, finding myself at the same gas station with the attendant seeing me walking up, having my pack ready for me before i even got in the door. at first, i was amused and impressed, now it bothers me. so.. i’ve had 10 cigarettes a day since saturday.. yesterday only 9. i figure at this rate, i’ll be down to 1 on new years’ eve. i’m not sure where kurt is on this matter. we’ve talked about it. he’s 9 years older than i and he’s been smoking since about the same age. he works in a tavern. i wish him all the luck in the world.. and i wish i could help, but quitting smoking (quitting anything) is a very solitary endeavor. i’m used to it, i’m an only child. here i go.