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circumstance or happenstance?

each of my daily yoga lessons contains a new idea for transformation. this morning’s lesson focused on exercising the ability to say no when necessary. there were two passages that stood out to me.

this one, as it relates to my having to say no to my friend:

Saying no mindfully and compassionately is another huge leap towards a happier life for you, and leading the people you love by positive example.

and this one, as it relates to my relationship with matt:

When an energy exchange is not a win-win for both parties, you can be sure that, over time, you will both lose. No one who truly loves you will ask more of you than you can give, and giving more than you have usually means someone in the equation is not doing their own work. Enabling someone usually does nothing more than keep them from their own path, and the growth that comes from living into the lessons that only they can learn.

unfortunately, i don’t think we did a good job at a reasonable and equal exchange of energy, at least in the last couple of years. it’s sad because i think we could have made it work if we were both more open to our needs. having a conversation once or twice about what isn’t working is not how one affects change. i don’t think it’s unreasonable to check in daily or weekly about what’s going well and what could be improved. (some) people do this at their workplaces, and those relationships aren’t nearly as sacred or important.

at least i know this and can take it forward.

also, interestingly, chani’s post today that mars conjuncts saturn at 8° of capricorn reminds me:

We can’t care about everything, even if we wanted to be able to. We have to make choices. We have to be discerning. We have to direct our energy towards some things and away from others if we are to get anything done.

it’s a good thing i’m skilled at being selfish.