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blah

i had another panic attack at lunch today. i know they’re totally gastro/blood sugar related cuz i haven’t been consistent in my evening meals lately, and my hormones are askew cuz of, well, you know, life.
i had gotten about four bites into my tuna gyro when i started shaking, unable to hold my fork. so there i sat, sweating, shaking, and tapping my foot (the only motion i can seem to muster as one is occurring), while my dining partner looked across the table, concerned and helpless. oh, to boot, there was a VP from work sitting at the table right next to us, too.
there’s nothing that makes them go away except time. well, one thing did help a little. i texted matt, “i’m having a panick attack at hubbard :( please say something nice.” and he came up with lots of nice things for me to think about and eventually, i was ok enough to slide my uneaten food into a take-out container without dropping my plate on the floor.
i guess it’s likely to be stress-induced as well. i’ve been mildly freaking out about money lately (i really should stop that), and work has been uninspired and boring, and i’m sleeping too much or too little, and i don’t feel like i’m being very productive.
thanks for letting me vent.