doin’ good

i’m positively thrilled that today is friday. this week has dragged itself out to being about 100 years long.
a bit of happy news: as part of the recognition program here at work, i’ll soon be getting an amex gift card with the sum of $50 for all the friggin’ work i’ve done over the last two months which has probably been the direct cause of recently-posted-about panic attacks. i’m not bitter. really. :)

stash busting

so i handed out a market bag last sunday to upstairs neighbor, mary. i gave it to her because she goes to the coop at least once a week; and if she’s flaunting my bag, someone might want one of their very own. then i pulled out some softysoft yarn and started what i thought was going to be a shawl; but i think it’s ending up as an inappropriate baby blanket. i only say inappropriate, because knitted baby gifts should be nothing other than mashine-washable on hot, dryer-dryable on warm cotton or acrylic. the yarn i’m using is fancy-schmancy. we’ll see if the recipients like it.

spoke too soon

i had a mini-attack in the caf�; i didn’t get as shakey as the last two, but i did get flushed and uncomfortable. it only lasted for about 8 minutes, but it came on more slowly than previous times. the various time of day that they occur lead me to believe that it’s not food related, but i’m no doctor. speaking of, i’m not very excited to go to a dr about this… i want to try a few adjustments first. or at least make some more general observations about when they occur and what’s happening around me. large numbers of people were involved in the one on 7/22 and today, but not on monday. i have had problems with claustrophobia in the past, but it usually involved myself and an elevator; not with other people.

so far, so good

monday was the last one. i kinda felt weird this morning when i stopped for gas, but i was like, “whatever bekee, it’s just stopping for gas.” and i was okay. work’s slowing down a little bit (if that’s the stressor; i can only think it is because everything else is fine), my boss is being way cool about it. i’m taking a vacation day next monday, so that will be nice.


i deleted like 20 comment spams yesterday before realizing that my mt-blacklist wasn’t working.
again dear reader, i’m documenting: another attack happened this am.. at work, at 9:40. i went and sat in jim’s cube for 20 minutes before feeling guilty that i wasn’t doing any work. which made it worse. then it faded, i skipped my 10 o’clock, and then it came back. i’ve felt pretty okay for about 40 minutes now. these sure make a person exhausted afterwards. and thanks to those who expressed concern on thursday.. it was nice to hear from you. :)

retail therapy

i just bought this cool handbag: my toes are in there for scale. i got it at marshall’s and tried searching for it online to see how much they go for, but everything is in italian.


i finished the fiona bag last night. the yarn i used isn’t nearly as stiff as what was called for, so i’m going to have to find some sort of lining material and hand sew it in. the pattern was easy to follow except she didn’t include directions for an applied i-cord (which i have never had the pleasure to do), so i looked it up online and found some great, easy to understand, directions. everything should have an applied i-cord border! they’re fun.


i just had my first panic attack while at lunch with some workmates. i was really uncomfortable and sweaty and shakey. we were at casa bianca and there were seven of us sitting around a table. everyone was nice about it and for that i am thankful. i couldn’t even eat my pizza cuz i was too shakey to pick it up. :/ big thanks to colin for getting me a straw. and to kelly for getting a box for my pizza. and jesse for driving my car back to work. and everyone else for putting up with me for a minute. i’m only telling you, reader, as documentation for myself. oh, needless to say, i came home.. didn’t even go in the building.


i hate comment spam. i’ve deleted seven in the last 2 days. i’m glad i returned the laptop. they were pretty nice to me when i said that they were too understaffed for me to ask questions to determine if the machine was right for me. friday is coming really slowly this week. :/


i just bought a laptop. i’m having buyer’s remorse cuz i can’t get the dang wireless internet to work. [email protected]:26: it’s going back. in order to get it to work with the tds modem, i need to spend another $50 on a card for the modem. i guess i don’t really need a laptop anyhow.