the pendulum

just this weekend, the gravity of the changes in my life hit me. the last two days have been moderately debilitating in that i just couldn’t summon the gumption to do a damn thing. my house is in shambles and the second roommate is moving in as i type. the dogs are visibly stressed about all the change… i’ve dropped at least 20 pounds since the beginning of the year (mind you, this is not entirely upsetting).
it feels like the same “crisis of faith” feeling i had when i started this whole process of separation. i think my biggest fear is that i forgot how to be alone. not physically or emotionally, but responsibly. things were less daunting and huge the last time i was solely responsible for myself and my well-being.
no one in the world can pick me up; that energy has to originate from inside. i’m lucky to have been able to change the type of people around me so generating that energy isn’t so god damn hard.

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