weekends will be the hardest

i’ll stop with the star trek time-keeping reference. it’s already gotten old.

i’m good at spending time by myself, but i don’t know how it’s going to be when i’m not waiting for matt to wake up to get going with the day. but, before i worry about that, i’m going to enjoy the last few weekends we have together.

mom and i spent a lot of saturday with aunt sue and gramma. i couldn’t eat, but we met up at the cobblestone in downtown dodgeville and chatted for a little bit. then we headed to gramma’s assisted living place to set up an amazon echo in her apartment so she can call sue if she falls. i hope she finds the other features more useful, though. she seemed a little embarrassed to talk to a machine but sue tells me that she asked for the temperature this morning.

matt and i had planned for a not-date night, so when i got home, he had options (which he’s always good at). they were dinner at graft, stay home and play magic, or stay home and watch clue (my all-time favorite movie ever). since i’m not eating, i didn’t think graft was such a good idea. so we stayed home and played magic and watched clue.

since i haven’t been eating much of anything, i wasn’t that interested in dinner, but we ordered roman candle, despite the fact that they’ve been consistently bad, wrong, or otherwise the last handful of time we’ve ordered [subbing their regular pepperoni pizza for the more expensive one, forgetting matt’s tiramisu, sending the wrong (less expensive) candle stix]. last night, though, takes the cake.

we ordered at 7:07 and the email from eat street said it should arrive around 8:07. since roman usually takes longer, we gave them the benefit of the doubt. i called to check at 8:40 since we were getting pretty hungry. the gal who answered said she was going to check with the driver, came back on the phone and outright lied to me and said that he was on his way. 20 minutes later (9:00), the manager (alex) called me to say that the order came in but the kitchen ticket had not been created and that our order should be here soon.

at 9:45 i called back to say i didn’t want the food, they’d fucked up the last five times we’ve ordered, and that if the delivery showed up i wasn’t paying for it. i tried really hard not to be mad at alex, but i was dumbfounded that something could be so messed up. the delivery guy showed up and i said to alex, “if i tell him i don’t want it, you’re just going to have to throw it away, so you might as well give it to me.” he said to tell the delivery guy that i had talked to him and that i didn’t need to pay. the delivery guy was very sorry and apologetic but wtf. we finally got to eat *three hours* after ordering. it was so stupid because i wasn’t even hungry. needless to say, i’m never ordering from them again.

 

captain’s log, day five

yesterday afternoon and last night were pretty bad. my mood went south really quickly and seems to have stayed there.

i am, however, happy to announce that i took the facebook app off of my phone. i don’t really want to quit it because of the sometimes usefulness, but we’ll see. maybe it’s more harmful than useful. maybe i just want to switch from sharing random thoughts with random people who i don’t actually know to communicating directly with the ones that i do know.

biking has been a bit of a struggle; i’m definitely expending more energy than what’s coming in. right now, i’m sitting at my desk at work, trying to not feel like i’m going to fall forward and start spinning out of control.

captain’s log, day four

it was another -7° morning ride. i *almost* stayed home but didn’t think i would get much done and i’m already running at 50% efficiency while i’m in the office.

i stopped to see josh at the ohio last night so we could talk about a website for the store he’s opening on the corner. it’ll be nice to have a distraction, even tho i don’t think it’s going to take me very long to get up and running.

i also may have had a few too many drinks, relatively. ever since matt’s sobering trip to the hospital, my alcohol consumption has plummeted. while i probably still drink more than the average 40-year-old gal, it’s really about 75% less than i used to, with a long-tail trajectory of going down further. but, the recent situation is causing a minor setback in that plan.

the last time i had a shot of fernet, if it wasn’t on my birthday, it was some time during birthday week. well, last night i had my first shot since whenever the last time was. and, while i have missed the camaraderie of a group of folks sharing that moment, i didn’t miss that it gives me heartburn.

i’m glad i have the bullet journal so that i can keep track of water and food intake. note to mom: the water intake is a healthy amount. ingesting food, however, is still a struggle, and my past experience tells me that it will be for a while.

i’m sleeping a little more but still waking up a lot throughout the night.

i reached out to the neighbors because i need them to know that the house won’t be occupied all day anymore, and i told my friend (and realtor) that i’ll probably need his advice and assistance on future projects. i have a feeling that my weekends are going to be filled with those as i’ve spent the last 10 years putting them off in favor of other, more irresponsible activities. i’ll still have those days (brunch!) but maybe not so frequently.

here’s to making it through another day.

easier said than done

a high school facebook friend posted last night about how most of her new years’ resolutions were about changing herself into some perceived perfection of being and that this year she was going to approach it differently, by trying to accept herself as she is because she’s already got all of the qualities and strengths to do great things.

i replied with, “i struggle with this, too, thanks for posting the reminder to try to change the thoughts, not the other way around.”

since i’m not a resolution kind of gal, and this is something that is stemming from my recent upheaval, i guess it should be more of a mantra, then: ‘do not think about changing yourself, change the way you think about yourself.’

captain’s log, day two

it was a -7° “feels-like” morning, but i knew that i couldn’t work from home. after being mostly isolated by vacation and the cold for over a week, i had to brave the temps and go into the office.

except i forgot a couple of things. i hadn’t been on my bike since the friday before christmas, i hadn’t eaten more than a subway sub in the last three days (i’m only slightly exaggerating), and it was day two of aunt flo’s surprise early visit. all of these things, compounded with my studded wheels, made the commute about fifteen minutes longer than it should have been.

i was plenty warm but exhaustion and fatigue (similar but not the same) set in when i was changing out of my fleece-lined jeans; i almost passed out in the bathroom.

thankfully, my kombucha is tasty and i was able to drink half a bottle during an unexpected two-hour meeting.

a meeting after which don and erin insisted i go out to eat. assuring them that food ingestion wasn’t going to happen anyway, we might as well go to the echo because it is close and they like it enough.

i got the grilled chicken sand cuz i knew some protein was probably a good idea (see, not all of me is neurotic, just most of me). i ate some fries, but they weren’t very good and i had about four or five bites or the sandwich. the rest of which is sitting in the fridge at work. i hope to be able to throw it away tomorrow or the next day.

i’m home and on the couch now, waiting for sleep to overcome so i don’t have to think about the fact that i should make something for dinner.

summary

i dusted off my watercolors:

and my first november weekly spread got a little more colorful:

also, i got a promotion last week!

i’m still here!

opposite of the reason that i’m usually silent over here on this blog, i’ve been so busy that i don’t have/make time to blog! many plates spinning around in the air.

aside from nora’s incessant water-drinking (and subsequent full bladder), everyone in the house is happy and healthy.

more to come later, lots more.

ack!

i owe my two readers some long-overdue updates.

i’m not sure when i’ll get to it, but i have a 3-day weekend coming up, so i may have time then.

four-oh

i remember being a lot more twitchy about turning 30 than i was about 40.

i had a lovely birthday week, complete with lots of dining out, naps, and dog walks. we went to grampa’s and morris ramen for some meals, we explored the path off fair oaks behind the garver feed mill for the first time in many years, and surprisingly, i didn’t get breakfast at the diner any of the days.

i did, however, make a pretty good replica of the sandwich from sardine that i like a lot.

i was going to start couch to 5k this week, but can’t find the very expensive sports bra that i bought last time. i did a dresser purge a little while ago and am fearful that i donated it along with some other bras that no longer fit.

last night, work sponsored pizza and the meeting space for the first madison wordpress meetup and it was a success! there were many last-minute cancellations, but the crowd that did arrive were enthusiastic and had many great ideas to fuel the next meetup(s). it’s going to be a lot of work each month, but i think it’ll be worth it.