the best intentions

nearly two years ago, on the dot, i bought the 21-day yoga body course from the daily om. i didn’t complete the 21 days, i’m not even sure i made it a week.

well, i decided to start it again this morning because i was up at 5:30. i’m hoping it’ll help me stretch and strengthen my core and, at the very least, make me feel the best i can on a given day.

i’m also way less flexible now than i was just two short years ago.

don’t want to forget

as i was sitting at the pub on saturday morning, playing cribbage with josh, he went out to smoke or something and this gal came by, gushing about my chest tattoo and what does it mean and she apologized cuz she has tattoos and doesn’t like when people ask her what they mean. and then she saw my handkerchief and said, “are we soul mates?!” as she showed me hers, attached to the same right-side belt loop. and then she said i was beautiful and walked back to her breakfast mate.

growth and learning

at the end of a meeting today, i mentioned that i should “get home for the dogs” (which basically means, “i’ve been away from home for too long”). the female coworker with whom i was meeting asked how my “newly single” situation was (i’d mentioned something in a chat about my perforated work schedule) and we talked for a little while.

right before i stood up, i said, “well, i got through the story without crying, so i must be doing better!” it was surprising how much she understood without me really saying a whole lot.

i had said that i was journaling my feelings and mood and noticed a marked difference in the last two days. it may be the time change, and it may be the moon. it may also be that last week, i stopped carrying a couple of coins from when matt and i first got together. they’re icons from the beginning of a story that we both stopped telling and i feel like maybe they’re just a sad reminder of a pair of people from a different time and a different place…

and, now i’m crying, so, i guess i’m not over anything yet.

new moon in pisces

because i was feeling a little lost, i decided to check in with chani and bought her workshop for the new moon to provide a little guidance in this cycle leading up to my birthday.

there’s a lot of mention of relationships, creativity, and shared resources, and a little time for grieving. that sounds about right.

i’m feeling remarkably better since the time change and lots of restorative sleep this past weekend. it helps so much that the sun is still out when i’m done with work. i don’t go from office to couch to bed. i try to get out in public a couple nights a week.

i’ve had to adjust my visits to wilson’s because of march madness, but, while it’s not ending soon, the games are on a predictable schedule and i don’t think the badgers are in it anymore.

another weekend

i deliberately didn’t plan any distractions this weekend to could see if it was manageable. i didn’t break down crying, so i consider that a win.

friday afternoon, i knocked off work a little early to meet with someone about a website redo and then went to mickey’s to meet a couple friends who i don’t get to see very often. i stayed for a few more after they left because i needed the din. i got home around 7:30 and ordered banzo (which is probably the last time… it has become relatively disappointing for the cost—it just means i need to plan better now) and watched the office while continuing to work on my mitered square blanket.

i woke up with a smile on saturday because merle makes it impossible not to. we went for a walk first, because i had to work quite a bit on my bujo spread. i have a lot going on and felt like one week at a time isn’t gunna cut it for the near future, so i did the next two weeks and the april layout:

that’s a cake for my bday. which is funny, cuz i don’t really like cake.

after i got the journal set up, i went to woodman’s and it was surprisingly not busy; i thought it would be full of people prepping for st patty’s day parties. i wasn’t ready to sit on the couch, so i headed out for brunch and then came home because i didn’t want to be anywhere in public for this holiday. i got myself upstairs and into bed embarrassingly early and woke up similarly early. i spent sunday morning at mickey’s playing cribbage with josh and then came home, took a nap, made lunches for the week, made dinner, watched some show, went to bed embarrassingly early again.

i guess my answer to weekends without matt is to sleep a lot.

one month til birthday week

this year will be the first birthday week by myself. i’m sure it’ll come and go just like they all do, but i hope it’s not depressing.

i filled up some of the days with appointments and activities… merle gets a dental cleaning on monday, i have a dentist appointment on tuesday, wednesday is a work outing at geek’s mania on the west side in the evening, and a haircut on friday afternoon.

i don’t have anything planned yet for thursday (the day of birth), but i ran into my friend beth last night, who suggested getting a bunch of folks together to go out to dinner. maybe graft? or somewhere that i haven’t yet been? downtown is full of restaurants that i haven’t tried cuz we stopped making time to do things together.

sun and moon and sky

i mentioned a month ago about the lady whose horoscopes i read. she’s working on something new, so has only been publishing once or twice a month for that time period. anyhoo, her recent email reminded me of this:

From March 22nd through to April 15th, Mercury will retrograde exclusively through Aries. It’s roughest days come the first week of April, but in general this Mercury retrograde will challenge us to refine our messages, cultivate patience in getting them across, and deal with the usual snafus of the now infamous transit.

through this guide, i pay attention to my rising sign (virgo) now because the passages seem more like me than the aries ones. i usually don’t put much thought to mercury in retrograde, but this spring, it might have more of an effect than in the past.

need to make time

i mentioned recently that things are only taking a little bit longer to get everything done in a day, but i’m also not feeling like i’m getting much time to relax or blow off an entire afternoon playing fallout.

i got up sunday morning, discombobulated by the time change, and all of a sudden it was 11 am and i hadn’t eaten breakfast yet. i didn’t want to go to mickey’s because it was super busy on saturday, so i figured it would be the same. plus, i had to get to judy’s for crafty at 1. i spent about three hours there, and took my leave a little after 4… my goal was to make lunches and then maybe hop over to wilson’s to make myself seen and then back home for dinner, but i didn’t finish up the chickpea and lentil taco salads until around 6 and decided to stay home cuz i usually start dinner around 6:30.

i sat on the couch and then ccapped kurt to make sure that i remembered his birth date correctly; so i texted him a belated happy birthday; he turned 50 on the 10th. somehow jones’ age came up, too, and he asked if he could come over to see jones. so i said sure. jones growled and wagged mostly the whole time. kurt said he would always do the same to nar. we talked for a little bit and he’s doing pretty well. it was weird to have him in the house after so long.

i didn’t get to starting dinner until about 7:45 and went to bed earlier than i’d have liked, considering the time change.

monday morning i woke to severe cramps, cold sweats, and dizziness. the last few months of aunt flo haven’t been so bad, but i think this was exacerbated by the fact that i have too much on my plate at work and couldn’t really take the day off. so, i worked from home, hunched over on the couch because i can’t lower my desk in the office because there’s still a record-holder shelf in there so i can’t really move shit around. it doesn’t bother me until it does.

last night, i broke down sobbing in the kitchen. i was feeling pretty low and lonely and sad. i realize that matt is changing the way he communicates and i don’t have him around to help me feel better when i’m not feeling 100% or even 80%.

i realized, when i woke up in the middle of the night, that i often referred to him as my best friend… but i don’t recall him saying the same. at least not in the recent past. that made me sad. and then somehow i got myself to go back to sleep.

full day

i managed to pack it in yesterday. i woke up stupidly early but was eventually able to fall back to sleep from 6-8 and then got up, walked dogs, finished my bujo spread for next week*, biked the broken table legs (from the last night the cats were here) to the furniture guy on atwood who, upon seeing the pieces, practically couldn’t pick his jaw up off the floor. so that was a frustrating beginning.

i then went to revolution cuz my winter wheels needed a wider birth for my brakes and i can’t seem to understand how those work so i needed an adjustment after swapping out my other wheels. thankfully, it took four minutes and they didn’t even charge me.

then i stopped into degoba to see matt. we hugged for a long while and i didn’t want to start crying cuz i had mascara on. i came home and got myself ready for the grocery store. it was a big shop cuz i needed to replenish my lentil supply and get a pourover coffee thing cuz i’ve been drinking one starbucks instant in the morning, and that’s silly expensive. i think it comes out to $0.78 a cup, which is too much for coffee at home.

while there, i heard back from some friends (old mickey’s regulars) who were in town for the week for a funeral; they were at the watering hole for brunch, so i biked back over there and we visited for a little while, i ate breakfast, and came back home.

i had forgotten that i, both had a package scheduled to arrive and, had made a sign for the front door.

when i pulled up to the back, there were three huge boxes from ikea! so i got to spend the next couple of hours putting together a table and hanging a mirror. halfway through mentally preparing for the mirror, i couldn’t find the level but decided to persist. turns out, i didn’t need it.

i also dropped a drill bit down the cold-air return, so that got cleaned out. i won’t tell you what else i found down there.

i sat on the couch to start knitting for the evening but had a recollection that mom and george hadn’t suggested sushi dinner lately, so we coordinated a time and i called the restaurant. the host didn’t sound too promising for us, but he took my name anyway. we arrived a little bit early and were surprised by an evening in the quiet, shoeless room off the front bar. it was so nice! mom says we’re spoiled for next time.

*i’ve been slowly modding my spread and this week, removed the hamburgers that i was using to track main meals since i’m also tracking other snacks as well now. it was getting too cluttered. i added a few drop shadows around some elements cuz i think it looks nice.

i also have too many meetings on monday and i don’t know how i’m going to get any real work done. O.o


i can’t wait for dst this weekend. i keep going to bed stupidly early, waking up for 1-2 hours in the middle, and then finally waking up at 6.

it makes for weird dreams. last night, i dreamed i was taking a flight somewhere but we (i don’t remember seeing the face of whomever i was traveling with) didn’t get onboard with our tickets on time, so i ended up on the top of a plane while we made a temporary landing somewhere in order to get me correctly booked on the flight. it was weird.

then i woke up and smoosh and i played belly-tickles for a little while. she rolls over and i tickle her while she tries to play-bite me. it’s fun. :)