also, stress dreams

it’s been a while since i’ve dreamed about the doll factory, but last night it felt like it went on and on for hours. i remember zipper, skip and kelly making an appearance, and there was a lot of walking around the cube farm trying to find people… except, of course, it wasn’t the same layout or people. i remember waking up, feeling relieved and a little irritated.

i’m so glad i don’t work there anymore.

july is half over

and just like that, the summer is speeding right by me again.

after a bit of an incident on wednesday night, i worked from home on friday, hoping a friend could come over and take a look.

the head fireman was dumbfounded because there was no trace of the smoke bucket that had been housing cigarettes since matt lived here.

but, since there hadn’t been any rain for a week and a half, things were very very dry. we were just about to head to bed and thankfully, the neighbors were out back with their dogs and came pounding on the door after they called 911.

i’m glad no one was hurt and it seems like it’ll be okay to fix. lance didn’t sound too bad after he took a look.

so friday, i worked, we played pool on the newly-felted tables at wilson’s, saturday was the usual. we were going to head to the fete, but it was raining when we finished brunch, so we didn’t. cool story, bro!

sunday was lazy; r had his daughter’s 10th birthday party to go to, so i stayed home and made my lunches and dozed on the couch.

since yesterday

after seeing yesterday that i can take my bp down 10+ points by relaxing and breathing, i’ve been trying to be a lot more mindful of my stress level and what triggers it, at work specifically.

i know that i get triggered by notifications and the red circled number next to my email app icon and notifications from the inter-office chat program, so i’ve decided that i need to exit those two applications when i want to focus and get something done.

i need to stop feeling like i have to address every little thing the second it blinks or beeps for my attention.

blood pressure

i had my follow up appointment this morning so i drove and got there extra early so i could relax (hah!) in the waiting room. the nurse was running 20 minutes late, so i “relaxed” for 35 minutes.

the first reading was pretty high (but not as high as the last appt.) after we had been gabbing for a bit. she asked to take another reading after i told her about my anti-stress buzzy thing and how it reminds me to breathe slowly and fully. i got both numbers down 5-6 points, so we tried one more time after another five-minute break and i almost started crying because i was picturing merle and nora cuddling on the couch. after the reading, with which we were both pleased, she asked me why i looked like i was tearing up and i started bawling.

i revealed that i was thinking about my dog and how she was so sweet and calm and that i don’t think i’d really actually mourned her until today.

anyhoo, we determined my blood pressure can elevate because of stress and as long as i can keep it under control with focused breathing and awareness of boi-feedback, i’ll be okay.

but, i’m betting something will need to give.

two day work week

this morning, rodney said, “i bet you’re happy to have a friday tuesday.” and it took me a minute to realize that today is my friday this week. hopefully, i can sleep in tomorrow instead of popping up and out of bed at 7 am.

last night was another double-header softball, so i hung out at home with the dags. i wasn’t super keen on being at wilson’s by myself, and i needed to eat something cuz my half-burrito-lunch wasn’t enough sustenance.

i’m looking forward to playing pool tonight and tomorrow night and the next night and yadda yadda.

separation anxiety

i’ve gotten used to preparing for the times when r gets to hang out with his daughter, i plan ahead, and make sure i can occupy myself with a chore, task, or a crossword (last sunday, i mowed the lawn during softball practice).

i had forgotten to remind him that i had my monthly geek meeting last night (i founded the local wordpress meetup last year) and had to leave him for ~3 hours (which meant no pool). while i thought for 2.5 minutes about skipping and asking a co-worker to handle the setup and intro, i determined that wasn’t a responsible decision, and biked downtown—through concerts on the square traffic—to get to the meetup.

turns out that he, whether he meant to or not, has the same reaction to time away; he vacuumed. and apparently, jones didn’t have much of a problem with it.

he’s a keeper.

so i don’t forget

rodney is trying really hard to get me to realize my self-worth and appreciate my physical appearance as being beautiful, pretty, sexy, etc. (side note here: matt also did this exhaustively, but gave up because who wants to beat a dead horse for that long?) and last night, he made an observation that he can’t wait until i realize how amazing i am and how exciting it will be for him to witness.

i shockingly asked if i would be able to handle when it happens and he assured me that it wasn’t going to happen all at once.

thank goodness.

i think my chest would explode if it did.

side gig and rando update

i finally got started on the new wilson’s website last night. i can’t believe i met with jessi way back at the beginning of april. i am really glad i took notes cuz i don’t think i would remember a ding dang thing anymore.

she got me some images and content a couple weeks ago and i’ve been kind of ignoring the task since i’m busy being in a new relationship.

speaking of, in a week, it’ll have been two months. which feels like a really short amount of time and it also feels like we’ve known each other forever. so weird. does this happen to everyone? i guess the answer to that doesn’t matter.

work is finally at a little bit of a lull, so i’m able to focus on the maintenance tasks that i feel like i’m better suited to than managing specific project work. i also have a looong weekend after the fourth to look forward to, so i’m excited about that.

the dogs are both doing really well, the house is still standing, i’m happy when i wake up in the morning, and my health is good. i’m thankful.

rinse and repeat

we’ve got weekends down.

we had a great friday, lots of pool and hanging out all night. saturday morning was a little rough, but after some sustenance from the tavern, the day was beautiful and went swimmingly. after dinner (hot wings and potato salad–that i whipped up blindly) we called it an early night; i think we were asleep by 9 (it’s definitely a 180º, getting used to someone who has the sameish schedule). sunday morning, we went to mickey’s again and then to wilson’s for the cubs game. i went home and mowed the 1′ tall lawn while he took a to softball practice. i planned dinner and squeezed in a little fallout while he was gone.

i made baked salmon, a little more pot salad, and a green salad. it was pretty f*^%(ing delicious, if i do say so.

mondays are getting rougher and rougher to get going, but thankfully, it’s a gorgeous day out, so he had to scoot off to work at 6 a, while i dozed until 7:30. the rain last week kept me away from my bike commute three out of the five days, so it was nice to get on it again.

i think i’m going to pull out the batavus monte carlo that i bought in december and haven’t taken out of the house yet. maybe i’ll take a short ride around the east side this evening while the softball game is happening.

stress level: high

i got one of these gadgets to help me calm tf down and, because of a project at work that will not end, it’s been buzzing at me for weeks telling me i’m tense, that i need to take deep breaths, and that i need to get up and walk around.

i even dreamed about the f*#$ing project last night, which is wholly irritating.

my doctor appointment yesterday went well. except for my moderately high blood pressure (see above for the reason). so, i have to go back in a couple weeks to have it rechecked.