the party is in a week. i have the menu pretty nailed down and the shopping list is prepped. i’m feeling pretty good about it this year.
it was another stellar weekend; he had a job to do on saturday, so i slept in and had a chance to make some more biscuits for the dogs, play some video games, and hang out with matt for a second.
sunday, we lazed about and ended up at mickey’s for brunch. i was also able to get him to play cribbage at the bar (i taught him how to play last weekend). he kicked my ass again, so i’m going to stop being nice and helping him count.
we keep discovering things that we have in common. the most recent rando was that i had alexa play 90s hip hop and l.l. cool j started singing about knocking momma out and he said, “this was my very first cd.” and i almost dropped whatever was in my hand. i think i told him to stfu. in a funny way, of course.
i’m feelin’ pretty pretty pretty good lately.
r picked up some paint chips to choose from for the bathroom. as much as he makes fun of how i fret about everything, i think i make pretty quick work of the decision on colors. pictures will come later.
also, it’s nice to be excited about weekends again.
a new horoscope from chani is ringing true.
Uranus has been working on you to become more authentic no matter the price. The result being that you are more likely less dependent on conventional securities than you were 7 years ago.
Your worth is not dependent on having achieved traditionally age-appropriate milestones. You have had a different destiny to carve out for yourself. You have had to traverse the unknown. Channel the unconventional. Cease to judge yourself on what didn’t get built and instead value what did get discovered.
Making plans right now might not be the most pragmatic use of your energy. What is useful to you is becoming more attuned to your intuition. As you learn to trust this way of knowing, and living, you’ll be strengthening your connection to the guides you most need to listen to.
life is being pretty kind to me right now and i have matt to thank for letting me go. he said, in explanation of the breakup, that i deserved someone who would be there for me and have a corresponding schedule so quality time could be spent (i’m paraphrasing due to not really having the mind to listen when he was telling me this).
this is exactly the comfort that’s taking place. someone around when i’m around. someone to plan and make dinner with/for. someone to watch the office with (for the 35th time). someone i’ve become immediately comfortable with after only knowing for a short time.
matt and i talked sometimes about our conflicting love languages and i’ve realized how that incompatibility may have had a greater effect on the decline of our relationship than other factors.
analyzing that right now isn’t really a good use of my time, but understanding and knowing the situation for the benefit of my current relationship has to be somewhat helpful.
that said, and i know we’re very new, the fella is astute at all five so far.
another stellar weekend on the books.
the end of a chapter and the beginning of another are distracting and transformative. it’s hard to keep my feet on the ground when i feel swept away.
things are good.
something amazing is happening.
remember when i said it would be exhausting to get to know someone new and that i’ve been emotionally numb for a while? turns out it’s only exhausting because there aren’t enough hours in the day to share stories and find out every little thing about a person. and luckily, there’s no rush.
and i’m no longer numb. or sad. i’ve laughed so much and so hard over the last week that it’s making up for the last five months of sorrow and loneliness.
an added bonus is that jones and merle are in absolute approval of him.
got to hang out with the fella on friday, had brunch on saturday, a fire and dinner in the yard on saturday night, and a lazy sunday.
the best part was getting out of my own head and focusing on having fun.
i’ve been leaving work at my usual time and not wanting to start anything up when i get home, so i might need to adjust my schedule to accommodate the summer desire to gtfo of the house.
i’ve been frequenting wilson’s this week and started talking to a fella to whom i’ve taken a fondness. we’ll see how it goes. at the very least, he keeps the crusty old men from staring at me.
i started handing out invites for the party.
and i’ve started scrutinizing every inch of the house for imperfections that i want to remedy beforehand.
in particular, the bathroom door is pissing me off.
i go back and forth between taking all the doors to get dipped and just painting over the peeling mess. except, i don’t like the color swatches that i’ve been staring at for two years; i guess it’s a good thing i hadn’t bought the paint yet.
i have a slow start to the menu items, so need to focus on that as i’d like to start picking up ingredients over the next three weekends instead of doing it in one haul if i can.
i’m about 80% convinced that i can pull off the party by myself. i asked some trusted folks and two out of three weren’t discouraging; i guess that’s 66%.
in previous years, i was in charge of the inside and matt the outside. i’ll need to have it on the sunday tho, in order to have a day to prepare everything by myself.
my secondary concern is getting the word out to enough people to make all the food i’m going to put together worthwhile. mom suggests i scale back the food so that i can “mingle” more. i’ll consider it as part of the overall event change.